How to move house

Not long after my nasty experience at the vet, They decided to do something really strange. They emptied the house completely, put everything in a big white thing with wheels, shut up the house and left us all alone all night with nothing but food and water.

We were really scared, even The Serene One was jumpy and kept running from window ledge to window ledge. We didn't know what was going on and thought we had been abandoned. Then, when it was still dark, after hours and hours on our own they turned up again and put us one by one in plastic boxes. Before they managed to catch me (I tried everything I could to find a hiding place) I threw up all over the floor, I was so scared. I don't think They were very impressed with that. Of course I knew what was coming next. You guessed it, back into the horrid blue thing that moves. We were bundled in with Mrs Owner. I was privileged to be allowed to sit beside her, but it didn't make me feel any better. We tried to tell her that we didn't want to be there, we did what we do best. We all screamed but when we realised we weren't going to be rescued, we gave up and went to sleep waking up every now and then to see if our ordeal was over.

Mrs Owner had been making some strange noise for hours, I think she called it 'singing', but it wasn't the same sort of singing as we do. Our singing is much prettier. She claimed it kept her awake because her radio wouldn't work or something. When we'd had enough of this The Big Softie decided to make a break for it. She was doing really well, egged on by me and The Serene One. She managed to get out of her basket and went for a wander round the blue thing to see if she could find a way out (I think by this time she must have been dying for a pee!). Mrs Owner made another funny noise and the blue thing stopped moving. We thought our ordeal was over then, but no. Mrs Owner grabbed The Big Softie by the scruff of her neck (most undignified and not recommended) and, muttering something about dangerous motorways and lucky we weren't hit by a juggernaut, whatever that is, she bundled her back into her basket and did something to stop her getting out again. She said some very naughty words, did Mrs Owner.

Finally we did stop and They put us all inside another new home. Did she not realise how traumatic this can be for a little guy like me? Three homes in three months? I thought I would have a panic attack and probably spend the rest of my days hiding under a cupboard, but The Serene One had already had that idea, so I made good use of the toilet facilities in a noisy and smelly way that only us boy cats can, ate all the food put down for all three of us and went to bed.

The next morning it was like nothing had ever changed. It was just like being in the other house, especially as our own sofa turned up. Actually, we thought it was very thoughtful of Them to have our sofa brought here just for us to sleep on (no-one else ever uses it, it's covered in our fur). And they even brought Grandma over to spoil us with cuddles and Thomas Treats.

Now, if only we could work out exactly where we are ....

The Little Bar Steward