Who stole my bed?

One minute I was sleeping on a nice cosy chair in MY room... that's the one they've made just for me, up the top stairs under the roof.

It's a lovely big room that's full of nooks and crannies for me to go hunting in, you never know when you might find a spider that needs to be helped out of a hidey hole. There are chairs and drawers to sleep in up there, and even my old bed but who wants to sleep in a bed when there's a nice arm chair handy?

Anyway, there I was fast asleep in the chair when Mrs Owner appears and says that she wants to sit there and do something called 'typing' and she just picked me up and tried to put me in my old bed.

So, I was having none of that and found this nice cosy basket to settle down in instead. I'll just get my head down for half an hour or so until Mrs O wants to go shopping again....

Holiday

Hi there, me again, Figaro, remember me?

I've not been around for a while. Actually, I've been rather sick, and I needed a little therapy to sort me out.

It's all Mr and Mrs Owner's fault. They went away for a while and told me and the Big Softie that we were going on a Holly Day. We didn't think much of the idea really. Nasty prickly stuff that Holly, plays havoc with our tails when we get caught up in it, but well, if it was only for a day then that would be fine.

First off though, they put us in thosse horrid plastic boxes again, the ones we hate with a passion and we always know what's coming next. The blue thing with wheels.

Yup, they put the boxes in the blue thing with wheels and it started moving. So we started shouting, and shouting but they ignored us and the thing kept moving.

Now we really don't like it when things around us move and we aren't responsible. It's the same with the blowing air - you know, when you're up a tree and the air starts moving and so does the tree. That's very disconcerting.

Anyway, finally the thing stops and they get us out. We hear them talking and next thing we know we are both incarcerated in this cage.

Well, that shut us up. We didn't speak for ages. Our flabbers were well and truly ghasted!!!!

Then they disappeared, but we thought well, this is our Holly Day maybe the Holly is coming along later, and anyway, it's only for a day.

WRONG!

They were gone for AGES. We thought they were never coming back again. A nice lady called Julie looked after us, fed us, brushed us and all that stuff. We liked Julie (actually, I think she quite fancied me) but she wasn't Mr and Mrs Owner, and we wanted our playground back. I was dreading what all those furry friends of mine were getting up to in their holes in the garden.

Well, finally they did come and collect us and brought us back home. We both refused to speak to them for a couple of hours. In fact, I sat facing the wall and refused to even look at her. Eventually, though, I remembered the furry things and had to get outside and see what had been going on in my absence.

I was right, you know. There were hundreds more of them out there. I had to go and get loads to play with, one after the other, taking them back to Mr and Mrs O to show them what a clever boy I am and how I hadn't lost my touch despite the incarceration.

Funny, they never seem as happy to see the furry things as I expect them to be and they won't let me take them in the house ever.

Well, I'm feeling much better now, almost back to normal. But I did hear her on the phone the other day talking to someone about another little Holly Day. I must go and hide.

My poor mate

This photo is the pet of some people I thought were very nice when they came to stay. It seems I was very wrong. I just can't believe they would do this to a nice, friendly dog like Milo. Poor chap.

How humiliating. I'm phoning the RSPCA at the earliest opportunity.

And I just hope Mr and Mrs Owner don't get any daft ideas like this....!

Cat mechanic

The Big Softie came back with a mouse the other day. Stupid bat let it go and it ran under the car so I chased after it - the Big Softie is far too large to get under there (and scared).

While I was there I thought I'd check the brakes and the air filter.

My playground has gone

They've got it in for me. All my playground trees are disappearing. They are cutting them all down and muttering about more light.

Never mind that. What about us cats? The scratching posts are missing, the birds aren't coming so close to the house any more and The Big Softie won't get herself stuck in that pear tree again.

That was so funny. I really really laughed. She got stuck in a fork in the branch and Mr Owner had to go and rescue her. It's the funniest thing I've seen for ages.

Here's a picture of me (Figgy) in what is left of my favourite tree (the fig).

What's Big Brother?

There are mutterings abroad about a Big Brother. I don't know what that means but they are thinking about getting one for me.

Does that mean that I have to live in a house with lots of dysfunctional people? Do I have to argue and cry? Do I have to sleep lots and complain about the food?

Hang on, no change there then....

Do I get to meet Davina? Now she looks like a lady who would like a beautiful boy like me.

Another new routine

Unfortunately they spotted me in the bedroom and have made us all sleep in the kitchen again - unless I manage to escape and have a night on the tiles.

But, I am having some lovely evenings with Mr O. I wait until he settles down in his big red chair and then I climb on his lap and stay there until bedtime.

It's lovely and cosy and I only stick my claws in his leg when I feel as if I'm going to fall off.

Birth-day

Mrs O had something called a birth-day yesterday. She didn't look too happy about getting older.

I don't know why she fusses. I age seven years in every one of hers. That makes me about 10 years old now. Heh, heh! Roll on puberty, I can't wait to be a stroppy cat teenager!

How do I get out of here?

Sleeping arrangements

I don't think they have noticed me. I'm sure they've forgotten something. For the last few nights I've been sleeping on the bottom of their bed! Hee, hee, It must only be because they forgot to put us in the kitchen like they usually do.

The Big Softie has taken up residence on the foot stool - she is such a big girl that she hangs over the edges . The Serene One chooses her spot very carefully. Sometimes she sleeps on Mrs Owner's head, she tells me she used to sleep there when she was a kitten and it's her favourite place because she can protect Mrs Owner, although I don't know what from. When she sleeps there I have to sleep in my own bed on the floor because she growls at me if I get too close to her. Sometimes she sleeps on the sofa in the lounge and sometimes she doesn't come to bed at all but stays out all night.

The thing is, because they probably don't know we're there, I don't dare start scratching at the door so early because they might remember to put me in the kitchen at night again, and I really like sleeping near them.

Especially when it's on top of Mr Owner's feet!!!!!

Getting out

All I wanted to do was go out and play with the mice in the field.

Mrs Owner came downstairs and it was still dark. I reminded her to let me out by scratching on the door and she sprayed me with water again. So I thought I'd let her know about the other door and she did it again. I dried myself off and tried again. She really should just let me out when I want to go you know. I'm trying hard to train her properly but it isn't working yet.

I scratched at the window - got sprayed. Dried myself - tried both doors. Got wet. In the end I gave her a very hard stare for ten whole minutes and eventually she got the message and let me out.

I wonder if I tried the hard stare first off she might get the message.

Big red thing

The last visitors were nice.

They came on a big red thing with two wheels and they looked very scary at first, but when they took off the big hat things they had on their heads, and all the squeaky clothes they looked quite normal. I had been keeping my distance because I thought the Owners had been invaded by aliens but when I saw that they were just people dressed up, I went to make friends with them.

Mr Visitor let me sit on the big red thing which is called a Honda and then he took my photo. I felt like a glamour model and posed the best I could hoping that he would give me a sweetie, but he didn't. Never mind, next time he comes he'll probably remember to bring some nice treat with him. Just like Grandma does when she comes. I miss Grandma. Now Tubbs isn't staying with her any more I hope she'll come and see me again soon.

The Little Bar Steward

I told you not to leave me out in the rain

The Little Bar Steward

Sand pit

Wow, they've got us cats a new loo! It's a huge square full of sand and gravel and it's going to take us ages to fill it up. I've already left my message and The Big Softie is eyeing it up too so I don't think I'll be able to keep it to myself.

Mrs Owner is going over there now with a big box of stuff. Hang on, I'll just see what she's up to...


...

Phwarh!!!!! It really pongs. She said something like 'That'll keep you little buggers off it'.

I don't understand. Why would They have made us a new loo and then not want us to use it? I'm off down the field again now. There's a nice spot down there in the long grass that'll have to do instead. It's a bit wet but I get more privacy there anyway.

The Little Bar Steward

Today I will be mostly sleeping

I'm knackered. Cream crackered. Whacked out. Bushed. Pooped. Done in. Dog tired.

I must say the new chap is quite nice. Mr Owner brought him here in the blue car. He made all the right noises when he arrived. Tickled my ears just where I like it, and said I was lovely (even though he says he doesn't really like cats), and didn't complain when I had been sitting on his bed all day.

Then after they'd all had something to eat we all went for a walk. I have to go with them you see, in case they get lost. All the time we are out I try to engage them in conversation. You know the sort of thing. 'Did you hear that rustling in the bushes there?' 'There's an interesting smell just under this tree'. But they didn't seem to be interested in what I had to say. They looked a bit concerned when I started panting though. Well, it's all very well for them, they don't have to wear a fur coat when they are walking up that steep hill and my legs are a lot shorter than theirs too.

Anyway, we walked for what seemed like ages and in the end I had to ask for a lift. Mrs O complained. Well, she should have realised my paws would be that muddy, shouldn't she?

When we got back I had to lie down for ages, but two of them went for another walk. They were collecting blue berries from the trees talking about slow something. Gin, I think. I had to go with them to protect them from any strange creatures that might come leaping out of the undergrowth (those grasshoppers are pesky creatures, you know). So I had two long walks yesterday.

Today I will be mostly sleeping.

The Little Bar Steward

Tubbs is going home

Tubbs' Mum is back home today so she will have to give up her life of luxury with the Old One, the fun and games, the extra biscuits and curling up under the Old One's duvet. Tubbs' Mum is too clever for words and knows just when Tubbs is trying to get round her. I expect she will spoil her for a few days though because she's bound to have missed having the little girl around winding in and out of her feet when she's doing that housework thing.

I hope Grandma will come and visit me soon. Mrs Owner says we've got lots of visitors coming in the next few weeks. I hope they are all cat lovers. The first one is arriving today so I'm going to go and warm his bed up for him. It's OK, I've been out and got really muddy paws and covered in grass so I'm sure that will make him feel really welcome when he arrives.

I'll have to be at the head of the welcoming committee too, The Serene One and The Big Softie just never get that sort of thing right. You'd think that since they are so much older than me, they would know exactly how to behave, you know the sort of thing, rub round their ankles until they make a fuss of you. Then you have to check out all the bags they bring with them to see if there are any Thomas Treats in there, and if they don't pick you up and make a fuss of you, you have to catch your claw in their trouser legs or trip them over. They all learn in the end.

The Little Bar Steward

Friends and foes

I was quite worried about Mrs Owner yesterday. She was wandering about the place with a face like a wet weekend. Her and Mr Owner kept taking us for walks, down the lane, up the lane, round the field, through the woods. And all the time they were rattling a box of biscuits, whistling and calling. Then I twigged. They were looking for The Serene One.

Come to think of it, I hadn't seen her since Sunday either, but I'm not one to mope if she's not around. The bully.

Just to make them feel better, me and The Big Softie hung around all day. Normally I would have had to go off and make sure all those little playmates of mine were behaving themselves (it's funny, but there aren't as many of them about as there were), but anyway, I thought I'd stay home to try and make Them feel better.

She still wasn't home last night and Mrs Owner was really upset. After all, two and a half days is a long time even for The Serene One to be gone out for a walk. When Mrs O came and let me out this morning after I'd been rattling the door for some time, The Serene One came rushing in and ate ALL the food, as if she hadn't had any biscuits for days. Well, maybe she hadn't but it still isn't any excuse to growl at me when I wanted to have some biscuits too.

......

I'm looking forward to my new friends coming over to play later on. There's this little boy who I used to play with. He's called Jack and he belongs to the family but I don't see him much since we came to live in the countryside. This new chappie is a bit smaller than Jack but he's quite friendly I think. Only trouble is, I don't understand a word he is saying. Mrs O says he talks French. Luckily the little chap seems to understand kitten talk and when I roll over on my back he tickles my tummy just like I want him to.

The Little Bar Steward

My deer neighbours

We've got new neighbours. They don't live in a house, though. They live in the woods. The don't get fed by Mr and Mrs Owner which is sad really because they do find us quite nice biscuits and the Whiskas kitten food at bedtime of course (which Mrs Owner calls wet doos).

The new neighbours seem to just eat grass. I can't understand how they survive on that. I only eat it if I've got a fur ball and need to throw up. Mrs Owner calls it my bulimic moment, whatever that means.

They aren't very friendly either. I went to look for young Bambi yesterday afternoon to see if he wanted to come out and play 'mouse hunt', my favourite game, but he wouldn't come out of the woods no matter how much I called to him. Then those noisy jays started shouting at me again, I think they thought I was after their babies to come and play too, but they never let them join in my other favourite game of 'feather bed'.

The Little Bar Steward

My new toy

A new toy arrived in the garden yesterday. Apparently it is another 'car'. It isn't anything like the horrid blue thing that they take me out in sometimes - that's when I either get a needle stuck in me or I come home feeling groggy with a sense of something missing.

This car is real fun. I can get in and out of it as well as underneath because there aren't any windows. I was hoping they might put a nice cosy blanket in there for me but they haven't yet. I'll have to get them more organised.

It would be really cool to sleep in there because I can see all around me and I would have warning if The Serene One was approaching with a playmate, or just to have a go at me.

I only wanted to play

Nobody loves me. Everybody hates me. If I liked them I'd go and eat worms.

Mrs Owner keeps spraying wet stuff at me. The Serene One growls every time she sees me and even the Big Softie kept telling me to shut up and go back to sleep this morning.

Lucky that I had a big, big cuddle with Mr Owner last night before bed. He called me soppy and daft.

I don't know what that means, I was just trying to give him a cuddle back.

The Little Bar Steward