Nobody loves me. Everybody hates me. If I liked them I'd go and eat worms.
Mrs Owner keeps spraying wet stuff at me. The Serene One growls every time she sees me and even the Big Softie kept telling me to shut up and go back to sleep this morning.
Lucky that I had a big, big cuddle with Mr Owner last night before bed. He called me soppy and daft.
I don't know what that means, I was just trying to give him a cuddle back.
The Little Bar Steward
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